Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I need water and some morals
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