I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
