the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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