I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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