youre lurking in front of me
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The struggles of a small town man whore
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
