he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
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