If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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