He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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