I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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