I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
