You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
