Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
