dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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