I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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