Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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