I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
