her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
