based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
