NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
