Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
