fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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