the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
