just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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