i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
