i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
