it hurts more in the daytime
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
