Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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