Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
