this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
