Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You are the jesus of drinking
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