Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
