Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
