Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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