Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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