my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
