So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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