Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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