I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
