I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I love having hate sex.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
