We're like a lot better than the average bears
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
