The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
