speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
