Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
