Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
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