I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
