Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
