9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
