the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Randomize
