i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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