Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
