you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Randomize
