he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
