I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
did i just pee glitter
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
