She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He did a backflip because drugs
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
