Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
