Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
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Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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