He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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