Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
