My Higher Power is John Stamos
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
