it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
