is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
