farters have to be the big spoon...
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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